Dreams + Belief = Reality
A decade ago I was at one of many leadership development conferences I’ve had the pleasure (and sometimes displeasure) of attending. I sat in the freezing hotel ballroom, spending less time listening to the speaker's content and more time daydreaming about what it would take for me to be in their position. “I’ll do that ‘some day,’” I told myself.
I shared this dream with people, and they’d say, “I can totally see you doing that! You’d be so good!” Everyone seemed to believe I could do it. “Thanks. Yes, it would be pretty cool,” I’d reply.
Last spring, I once again attended a conference and participated in a number of breakout sessions where the presenters (predominantly men over 50) were talking about leadership - how to lead with empathy, build inclusive teams and bring more authenticity into your work, etc.
I was so annoyed!
Not necessarily at them, but at myself for thinking I didn’t have what it takes to be on those stages. Those are the topics where I bring unique expertise, insight and irreverence. After listening to those guys, I knew I could blow them out of the water.
The “some day” of my speaking career suddenly felt urgent.
Immediately following the conference, I drafted an outline of a presentation and enrolled in an online community of female speakers who were also building their stories. I practiced and refined my content with clients and groups over the past several months and next week, I’m the featured presenter for a leadership development program.
How did this happen?
I believed something new.
I believed my unique approach was needed in the world. I believed there was room for my story. I believed I had the expertise. I believed my daydreams deserved to become reality.
Not to be all, “sign above Ted Lasso’s office” about it, but the only thing stopping your dreams from shifting into reality is YOUR belief that it can happen.
Listen: It’s not enough for other people to believe in you. YOU have to believe in you. That’s the hard part. But that’s where the shift happens.
But I want the shift NOW (insert Veruca Salt voice)
If you want to accelerate the shift and begin to believe in yourself, here’s my recommendation:
1. Get to know your beliefs
Many beliefs don’t have evidence, which makes them extra important to investigate. I wake up each morning and believe it’s going to be a great day. I can’t prove it, but my general optimism and previous experience set me up to believe it.
While beliefs like those are helpful, some hold us back. A decade ago, I believed people who spoke on stages were an exclusive, elite group of experts who clawed their way to a coveted spot. This belief made me feel deflated and kept me pushing my “some day” dream out further. I didn’t have evidence this belief was true, I didn’t investigate it and it held me back.
2. Get specific
Rather than saying, “be a speaker some day,” I decided what kind of speaker I wanted to be, with which messages and audiences. Getting specific made my first steps much clearer. Once you make the first step, you develop the confidence to take a bunch of next steps.
3. Notice and take note
Try this exercise to get out of autopilot mode…
1 - What’s one thing you want to see in your life that you don’t already have? (be specific!)
What beliefs do you have about yourself that would help you achieve that? Which are keeping you from having those things? (List ALLLL the reasons. Even if they’re untrue or seem silly or embarrassing.)
Scan your list and notice any themes in your reasons. Write them over to the side.
2 - Review the unhelpful beliefs and be a detective.
Where the heck did I learn this? How true is it?
What evidence have I seen of this NOT being true in other people?
What would be more helpful to believe?
3 - Write out one or two new beliefs that will help you create what you want to see in your life.
4 - What’s one small step you can take this week to practice this new belief?
