Leadership stuff they don’t tell you…
Congrats! You did it! You got the promotion! (That was the easy part, btw.)
There’s a really good chance you got promoted because you’re amazing at your job. You crush goals. People can count on you. You’ve spent years cultivating your formula of achieving and getting stuff done. It’s second nature.
Being a leader means stepping into a whole new set of responsibilities. And not just project-related responsibilities. The hardest things you’ll do aren’t even documented in your job description.
The hard part
When you get into a leadership role or start managing people, the stuff that has been second nature may not be what makes you successful in your new role. (This is the hard part)
No one tells you this! In fact, they look at you and think, “You’re super smart, you’ll figure it out on your own.” And that makes you feel even MORE pressure to succeed because everyone has such confidence in your ability to be awesome in this new role.
You might think, “Why does this feel so hard? I can figure EVERYTHING out, why can’t I seem to grasp this?” And then you swirl into a self-doubt spiral and force yourself to “just try harder,” and then feel worse when you’re trying hard and still not feeling like you’re doing good enough. Sound familiar?
I hear a similar story to this from new leaders all the time. And I have SO much empathy because I had this experience when I stepped into an executive leadership role. Everyone else seemed to have confidence in my ability to do the job, but in my head I was thinking, “Who the F am I do this job? Why would anyone want to be led by me?!”
It can be a really lonely experience. And we don’t talk about it because we don’t want to look like we don’t know what we’re doing. Which makes it lonelier.
I’m here to let you know 1) you’re not alone and 2) you’re normal and 3) you need to remember who the F you are.
When you’re used to things being easy for you and getting things done quickly and successfully, stepping into an elevated role can rattle you.
Here are the top five challenges I hear from new leaders as they move from being a team player to being a team leader:
1. I used to know what I’m doing and now I have NO clue.
You might be saying, “I’m not good/smart/qualified/experienced enough to be in this job.” This story sucks all the confidence from your body. Stepping into anything new is going to challenge you. But remember…you love a challenge!
Try this: Remember you were selected for this role for a reason. Make a list of the strengths, traits and talents you bring to this role. And if it’s helpful, ask your supervisior, “What’s one strength I bring to this role that will elevate our team?” When you start telling yourself the, “I’m not good enough,” story, look at your list and remind yourself that your blend of strengths is what the team needs right now. Don’t forget who the F you are.
2. I like to push my ideas forward on my own, but now I have to slow down and communicate my vision to bring everyone along.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone could just read our mind and do things at our pace? Unfortunately (or fortunately!) people can’t read our minds. Spending a little extra time explaining the context behind decisions and projects can help people see the big picture. Painting the picture
Try this: Take time at the beginning of a project to describe what will look different at the end. Don’t be prescriptive about how you’ll get there, but be descriptive about what you imagine the future state looks like. Ask the team how they might see themselves contributing to that future state. Paint the picture and give people agency in how they can apply their strengths and passions. This requires you to do two things 1) setting aside time to envision the future state and 2) communicating it in a compelling way.
3. I’m successful when I put my head down and work hard, but now I have to take extra time building relationships.
You are the master of your to-do list. It’s so satisfying to have everything crossed off by the end of the day. But now more people come to you with questions, your calendar is full of new meetings with different departments and you’re expected to be the glue that brings your team together. You might be thinking, “I don’t have time for people!”
Try this: Building relationships is a long game and requires small, regular investments of tim. Get to know people by starting meetings with a “get to know you” question. And you don’t even have to do it all yourself! Delegate the responsibility to someone new each week. Also, the best connections happen informally. Mentally prepare yourself to spend a few extra minutes each day in the hallway or coffee station to get to know people. Make it part of your routine. Things at work move more quickly when you build trust and relationships.
4. I used to ignore people’s frustrating behavior. Now I’m the one who has to give them feedback.
When your colleague showed up late to every meeting or publicly shut down people’s ideas, you used to find it annoying. Now they report to you and you need to address how their behavior is affecting the team. Ugh. Seriously? Yuck.
Try this: Giving feedback is simply having a conversation. I know it can feel scary. You are sharing this because you have a responsibility for your team being great. In many cases, they don’t even recognize their behavior is a concern. Starting these conversations is the hardest part. Within 24 hours of the behavior, invite them into a conversation with something like, “Hey I noticed something the other day that I’d like to talk to you about,” or “I need your help to understand something, do you have a minute?”
State the facts - what did you observe and why is it important to bring this up. Open it up for discussion and ask how they believe the behavior might affect their or the team’s success.
5. Even though I think I can do things better and faster than everyone, I need to create boundaries with my time, delegate tasks and let go of control.
Your job as a leader is to learn to let go. This will probably be the most difficult thing about your new role. You’ll want to do things that feel comfortable and easy. You’ll keep stuff on your plate because you don’t want to “burden” people with tasks. You’ll get overly involved because you don’t want people to fail. You’ll cling tightly because you believe if it’s done wrong, it’ll be a poor reflection on you and your capabilities.
This is a recipe for burnout. And micromanagement. And distrust. And stifling the growth of your team.
Try this: People are more capable than we give them credit for. Look at your list of projects and get honest about what you’re holding onto and why. What would be possible for YOU if you delegated a few more projects? And what would be possible for your TEAM members if you gave them something new to do? When you think about the times in your career you learned the most, it probably wasn’t because your boss kept you in your comfort zone.
What’s next?
If you’re experiencing these (or other frustrations) in your leadership role, or if you’re noticing these struggles with the new leaders you supervise, connect with me or check out Season Three of In With…the Podcast to get more insights and hear interviews from people who’ve survived these challenges. It might feel lonely, but I promise, you’re not alone.
