Unhelpful thoughts
“I hate my clothes. My body is dumb. I’m too ugly to leave the house.”
When I’m searching for an outfit to wear, this is the unhelpful thought cycle that repeats in my head. I know it’s not true, yet I somehow can’t turn it off.
Fun fact about the thoughts we think - they trigger emotions. When I’m throwing clothes and telling myself lies, I feel rage, sadness and shame. Ick.
What happens when we’re full of emotion? We act and react based on our emotional state.
If you’re the lucky person who’s around for this rage-fueled clothes tornado, you’ll get one of three Jennas: 1) mean Jenna, 2) silent Jenna, or 3) crying Jenna who cancels plans.
All of this because my brain decided to think a mean thought! What?!?
Each of us is shaped by a lifetime of big and small experiences.
Random things like our favorite song from 7th grade, cringey moments from a work meeting and our parents’ mannerisms all have an impact on us, whether we realize it or not.
These build up over time and influence how we show up in the world. Most of the time we don’t even notice our reactions, thoughts, body language or behaviors. They’re simply our default.
Which brings me back to my clothes debacle. Those thoughts about my body and clothes come from decades of stories, messages, images and feedback. Rather than becoming an angry, sad victim to my thoughts, I have the ability to choose something different.
Decades of stories don’t untangle easily. Even though I work hard on self-awareness, I still get caught up in unhelpful thoughts. Lately, I’ve become more curious when thoughts come up. Where are they coming from? Why are they popping up now? How true is it? What’s a more supportive thought I could tell myself?
Curiosity opens up choices where you didn’t think they existed.
It’s important to remember YOU are ultimately the one who gets to choose what you think and how you react. You’ll definitely stumble and fall into old patterns. You’re human. The trick is to simply notice when you do. Dust yourself off, give yourself grace and try again.
Let’s try it!
What’s a “thoughts-feelings-actions” domino effect that tends to pop up for you? (work, home, relationships, health, etc) How do you recognize when it’s starting to come up? What do you typically do when you notice it?
What is a different thought you can tell yourself? If you told yourself that thought, how might your dominoes play out differently?
Think of the last time you reacted in a way that didn’t feel great. What emotion led to that reaction? What thought(s) was the catalyst for that emotion?
Choose one emotion you’d prefer less of in your life. Over the course of the week, notice when it pops up. What led to that? Get curious.
Ready to take it one step further? If you’re ready to shine a light on your default thoughts, reactions and patterns, I have an incredible assessment tool to help you move through work, relationships and life with a ton more self awareness. It was a game changer for me and I’d love to share it with you. Let’s talk.
