Privilege of being a whole me
Once upon a time, I was a burlesque dancer.
Every weekend I’d curl my hair, fasten my stockings and pile into a dressing room with an eclectic mix of musicians, illusionists and dancers. I loved everything about it. The pre-show audience buzz, the scramble during tight costume changes, the satisfaction of nailing the music cues...it completely lit me up.
The cabaret show kept my creative juices flowing all week long and gave me lessons I applied to work and life. It taught me to be playful and not take things too seriously, to quickly pivot and land on my feet. It taught me no matter the obstacle, the show must go on…sometimes the messier the show, the better.
But I kept my campy cabaret life locked in the suitcase of lacy things that took residence in the trunk of my car. Even though it was SO central to who I was, I didn’t tell many people - especially not at work. It felt scandalous to admit I danced in fancy underthings while subsequently making a career for myself.
Some might argue this was smart. But experience has shown me when you tell people about the unique activities you’re passionate about, you instantly become a more interesting, well-rounded, relatable human.
By sharing parts you’d otherwise keep reserved, you draw more people to you. Plus, you give coworkers things to connect with other than work stuff. This deepens your relationship and ultimately leads to vulnerable trust and empathy (which - spoiler alert - is the foundation of successful teams)
I used to think compartmentalizing was a good thing.
I prided myself on my ability to keep parts of myself in different drawers. I thought the nimble switch from drawer to drawer was a talent to be celebrated. Ultimately, hiding parts of myself kept me small - at work, in relationships, and in my personal growth.
Before I knew it, I was only showing up as the version of a leader/spouse/daughter/friend I thought other people wanted to see. Being inauthentic fragmented me. My compartments began to overflow with the pieces I was trying to keep quiet.
It hit me one day - I can’t live like this.
I made big changes. I emptied out my compartments, pieced my whole self together and started fresh with renewed vulnerability and confidence. None of it was quick or easy.
Carl Jung said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Maybe you’re not a burlesque dancer, but we all have things that light us up, make us “us” and want to rise to surface. How can you support yourself and others to live into the privilege of being a whole, authentic self?
Think about your life, work or relationships - wherever you feel you might be holding back:
What specific parts of you are you keeping hidden in a drawer? Why do you believe that’s necessary? Where did you learn that belief?
What is the very worst thing that would happen if you emptied a drawer and shared your whole self? What might be the very best thing?
What is it costing you to keep parts of yourself hidden? How might life look different if you were able to empty your compartments? What would be possible?
