A case of the Augusts
I saw a meme that said August was like the Sunday of months.
I agree. August has an elusive vibe. It feels like a quiet ending. An “Irish goodbye” of months slipping out the door while Labor Day distracts us.
Lately my energy has been unusually low and quiet, and it’s taken a couple weeks to diagnose it. I discovered I’m in rest mode. I don’t historically do this mode. No wonder I couldn’t recognize it.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been on a full-speed rocket of achieving and hitting milestones. New career, new business, completing my professional coaching certification, working with clients, writing and speaking opportunities…plus, toss in cool trips, a great relationship and amazing friendships - it’s been a whirlwind.
This level of drive and ambition is how I naturally operate. I create and innovate. I set and crush goals. For as long as I can remember, I’ve defined success by dreaming big ideas and successfully making them a reality.
So, when I’m not generating a million ideas and producing things to put into the world, I feel off. Like I’m not adding value. Like I somehow don’t have worth.
Creativity and Exhaustion
When we’re physically tired, there are basic indicators to let us know. The easy fix is to sleep, eat, caffeinate or hydrate, and we’re usually back in biz.
The rest I’ve needed the past couple weeks has been harder to recognize. Any time I sit down to write, post or build pieces of my business, I feel immobilized under a weighted blanket. Not in a cozy way.
I know enough about my creative process to understand these moments of paralyzation are part of, not the antithesis of, the process. The more I force myself to create, the more friction I encounter, and the more hopeless it feels. It’s like my soul is having a tantrum and needs a nap.
Creativity is the gauzy gateway that connects me to my purpose. When I’m not connected with my purpose, I feel spiritually exhausted. Like physical energy, our spiritual energy can get depleted. This happens when we’re not living into our purpose, values and mission in a way that feels balanced. No amount of sleep, exercise or cafe au laits can replenish that energy (not for long, at least.)
Normalize the Ball
Somewhere along the way I told myself a story that I needed to show up every day, big or small, and create. Like I’m a “body-in-motion” physics experiment that will lose momentum and rendered irrelevant if I don’t show up. Yes, it’s a lot of pressure to put on myself. But the world tends to reinforce this pressure.
We don’t normalize rest as much as we glorify hustle. We’re quick to showcase hard work and success, but don’t proudly show our curled-in-a-ball phase. We get focused on looking impressive and it prevents us from looking relatable.
I’m embracing my inner August and surrendering to the discomfort. My curled-in-a-ball phase has been a roller coaster of peacefulness and panic as I slow down, let go of my rigid rules and release the urge to build a list of new goals. I’m reckoning with the notion that what got me to this level of success won’t likely take me where I want to go next.
Instead, I’m focused on absorption, observation and synthesis. I’m learning to feel worthy and valuable without a checklist of new achievements. I’m awkwardly sitting here until I feel re-balanced. My late-summer chrysalis will undoubtedly unfurl into a new set of ideas and goals. But until then, you can find me hiding under my heavy August blanket. In a cozy way.
Spiritual energy check-up
Do I have lots of external examples of success in my life, but still feel like something is off? If I had to guess, what feels missing?
Am I clear on what my purpose and mission are? How am I living into them right now?
What is my definition of success? When was the last time I revised it?
What are a couple things I have to look forward to? Why do they light me up?
