The Gift of Understanding
Previously published on The Heat Index
Before an international trip, I get overly ambitious about learning the local language. At a minimum, I memorize the basics – numbers, pleasantries and greetings. I’ve also been known to learn everyday words by covering my home with vocabulary sticky notes. My most committed (and intimidating) move was taking private online Italian lessons from a native speaker.
I recently returned from an overseas trip where I had the pleasure of immersing myself in new languages. There were some tricky moments, but I was reminded how much I enjoy the challenge of being in situations where I need to pass my translation app back and forth to have a conversation with someone.
The reason I love it is because of one simple truth: no matter which language you speak, we all share the deep desire to be understood.
We go to extra lengths to understand each other when we’re exploring new countries, but what about on a daily basis? What are we putting into place each day to ensure we’re seeking to understand the people in our lives?
Let’s admit it…we spend a lot of time on autopilot. We’re set in our routines and schedules. We make assumptions about people and then get frustrated when they do the same to us.
Seeking to understand people requires time, patience and attention. It requires us to slow down and focus. It can be hard! But the greatest gift you can give someone is to listen, understand and empathize.
Curiosity and empathy don’t magically happen overnight. They are skills that need to be cultivated. They require internal reflection. This is one of the beautiful things about yoga.
Yoga isn’t simply a practice of poses and breath, but of attention to our internal landscape. It’s a practice of noticing and staying present. It’s about learning to give yourself the gift of deep understanding.
On the mat, this might look like listening to your body, giving yourself grace and challenging the unhelpful voices in your head. It’s about being honest with what you need and what serves you.
When we practice this on our mat, our ability to extend curiosity and empathy off the mat becomes easier. The better we understand ourselves and the things that make us tick, the more patience we have for understanding and appreciating the people around us. No sticky notes or translation apps required!
Here are a few ways to listen and deepen understanding with people in your life:
Listen without distraction – this means both physical and mental distractions.
When someone shares something powerful or difficult, in your own words, repeat back what you just heard them say.
Acknowledge and validate the feelings someone is experiencing. We’re all entitled to our emotions.
Demonstrate your curiosity by asking open-ended questions and encouraging people to share more deeply.
